Maintaining Dance Relationships

Applying Carnegie's Techniques to Your Partnership

By Shelby Gilliland

In the ballroom dancing universe, one of the most important relationships a person can have is that between themselves and their dance partner. A dance partner is someone who shares the same goals as you, and together you are working to improve your performance. You end up spending a lot of time together, and I mean a lot of time. So in order to make sure that you're still having fun while dancing, it's important to make sure your partner likes you. Dale Carnegie wrote a book called How to Win Friends and Influence People, and in this book, there are quite a few bits of advice on how to make sure that the two of you get along.

The very first point of the book is, “Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.” Carnegie brings up the point that when someone is criticized, they become defensive and are less likely to learn from their mistakes. Complaining will only serve to create a negative atmosphere. I’ve found that it is vitally important to create a positive and understanding atmosphere while practicing because when neither partner feels like they are being judged or critiqued, both are more willing to accept advice and provide suggestions on how to improve things.

Another point that I found very helpful was, “Become genuinely interested in other people.” Like I said before, you and your partner end up spending a lot of time together, and unless you have some genuine interest in each other, your conversations are going to be pretty boring. I feel that learning who your partner is and the things that inspire them will help to improve your connection on the dance floor.

The last point I want to talk about is, “Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely.” I feel that this, along with point number two, is crucial to making a successful ballroom partnership. This doesn't mean that you have to say that they’re the only person you’ll ever dance with; that would be a bit ridiculous. However, letting them know that you enjoy dancing with them and appreciate the work they are putting in to every practice would be a good way to let them know that they are important.

Dance relationships are tricky, but depending on the amount of effort you put into them, they can turn into lasting ones. Dale Carnegie has even more beneficial advice in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People, but these three things are some of the most influential points for me.