Taking the First Step

Confronting a Self-Conscious Mindset

By Eric Dahlman

I have a confession. It's something I have known all along, but the rest of my dance team does not seem to notice. Sure, it's only my first year dancing; that does not make the fact any less true. Any way I look at it, I still come to the same conclusion: I am the worst dancer in the studio.

Now, I know that if I were ever to say this out loud, any of my partners would immediately try to dismiss me. They just want to make me feel better. I appreciate their efforts, but no matter how hard I try, I cannot help but feel that as a beginner, I can only bring other dancers down.

We have to face the music. No matter how much we hate to say it, we have all had this toxic way of thinking. We all feel a little inadequate when we try something new in a competitive setting. However, self-incriminating mindsets do not advance us either as dancers or as people. For all of those beginners out there, I hope reading this will help you get out of your rut and back to the dance floor. To the seasoned dancers, read this as well. We all know you sometimes still feel the same way.

I believe one of the most inhibiting things we do as dancers, and as a society in general, is compare ourselves. I am sure many of you have heard this argument before. However, ballroom dance is a sport of comparisons. You cannot really compete nor improve unless you compare yourself to the other dancers. However, comparison does, in many ways, help us as dancers. It lets us know what we should strive to be, what our strengths are, and if we are improving. All of these are great things to know, so I would not recommend stopping comparison altogether if you are a beginning dancer. In reality, it is not comparison itself that discourages us but rather how comparison creates false realities that make us feel disillusioned.

We, as humans, are only able to see from our own perspectives, but we also have an amazing ability to notice the strengths of others. We especially notice others' strengths when we do not have a firm grasp on our own abilities. Because of this, people trick themselves into thinking they are worth a lot less than they really are. After all, how clumsy do you feel trying to learn the basics of a dance only to have your instructor demonstrate with flawless ease? You have not seen how long it took your coaches and teammates to be able to learn the basics, but if you ask them, their story will probably be similar to yours. Beginners are not bad dancers; beginners are dancers who have the most potential. There is no need to worry how far along the other dancers you see are. Just know that if you keep practicing, you will eventually be at that level. All things take time.

One way I am able to immediately notice that I'm feeling anxious about my dancing is when I start to guess what my partners think of me. When we feel low about ourselves, we make ourselves believe others look at us the same way. This is detrimental to our learning, and we need to quickly readjust our way of thinking. An example of this is when I think too much about my mistakes rather than focus on how I am improving. I tend to visualize my partners speaking to me in one of two ways: either that they dread dancing with me because of my utter lack of skill or that they treat me as if I had a debilitating, chronic illness, and they just want to baby me because I am talentless and clearly in pain. Thinking this way blocks me from becoming a better dancer. Besides, dance partners will never actually think of you in these ways; I can guarantee it. I would also be willing to bet that your partners probably are thinking the exact same thing as you are. We all feel insecure.

This is why I believe that complimenting each other is another one of the most valuable skills in dancing. No one is able to assess their own performance with complete honesty. We carry too many biases for ourselves, good and bad. That makes genuinely complimenting each other important. It offers an additional level of communication between partners and keeps people from becoming disheartened. It releases us from being trapped in our own negative thoughts and supports what we are doing well. I promise that if you compliment a partner on something they truly improved on or executed with pride, they will not only be much happier dancing with you but will also continue to perform the step the way that made you give them praise.

A talented dancer uses complimenting to their advantage. People enjoy helping people that they like. If you compliment an expert dancer, they will be more supportive of you in return. The compliment could even open new connections to perfect your own steps from the advice they give you. Next time you're having trouble with your own partner, rather than attacking them for making the same mistake again, tell them what they did better. Sometimes that is all a dancer needs to fix a common mistake. Trust me, if someone has already been called out on a mistake, they will not forget it. We all know the feeling. However, if they feel confident that they are improving, they will succeed with the step. This will make dancing fun again while still improving for the next competition.

My final piece of advice for beginners is one we have already heard many times: smile! Although it can be hard, especially when you feel you just are not making enough progress, make yourself smile. If you are not having fun doing something, you will never truly master it. Dancing is no exception. The best thing about a smile is that, even if we fake it, the effects still appear. If you pretend to be cheerful, you will find yourself actually being cheerful. Keep this in mind as you continue learning to dance. Even if it does not actually help you feel better, both the judges and your partner will appreciate the effort. You will be amazed how far a smile can take you.

Beginning dance is both a stressful and a rewarding experience. You do not always see how well you are doing, and that can be frustrating. With dancing, you just have to take things one step at a time, and eventually you will see your improvement. We are never truly the worst dancer on the team that we picture ourselves to be. It takes time until we feel confident, so we might as well have fun along the way.