Be Better
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
By Seth Westlake
Stephen Covey's book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, aims to empower the reader with tools that will allow them to completely reshape their lives. In his research, Stephen recognized that there were consistent traits found in many accomplished people of the last millennium. He summarized these traits into just seven habits that aim to embody the essence of personal greatness. Here's a summary of Covey's work and how one can apply the seven habits to dance:
Be Proactive.
Focus your energy on what you can control, instead of what you cannot. In life, change things for the better where you have the control to do so. No complaining. Even as good as it feels, complaining accomplishes nothing. You can't change the weather, but you can shovel the walk to make life easier. Dancing is similar in this way; worry only about what you can change in yourself. Don't try to blame or accuse your partner, but instead try to focus on improving yourself.
Begin with the End in Mind.
Have a plan for what you want to accomplish, and how you will accomplish it. Treat every aspect of your life as a programmer or an architect, with a vision for what you want the final product to be. In partnership, discuss your goals and make sure that the expectations of both your partner and yourself are understood. Do you want to compete? Does your partner prefer social dancing? Practicing to compete can be fundamentally different from practicing to dance at a social event. The boat moves faster when you're both paddling in the same direction.
Put First Things First.
Understand the difference between importance and urgency. Importance is the measure of how necessary it is to accomplish something. Urgency measures how soon something needs to be done. Filing your taxes is important, but not urgent (unless you procrastinate). Buying a new TV before the sale ends is urgent, but not important. Important things that aren't urgent are still things you have to make time for. New dance moves can be learned in a single night, but the muscle memory that accompanies it has to be carefully ingrained over time. Don't forget to focus on the fundamentals. Avoid new choreography the week before a competition.
Think Win-Win.
Seek mutually beneficial solutions in all your agreements and relationships. Understand that having a "win" for both parties in any negotiation is ultimately better, long-term for everyone. Even "lose-win" situations, where you allow yourself to "lose" in order to allow the other party to score a "win" are bad for relationships. One partner's schedule should not hold precedence over the others.
Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood.
Build trust and understanding by listening to the other person's point of view first. When we listen instead of speak, we make people feel heard, not just acknowledged. People who feel heard are more likely to listen to you as well, and in this way we create a positive and caring relationship. Before accusing your partner of "not trying hard enough" or "being disengaged", try to understand what they're feeling. The way a move feels from a follow's perspective is not the same as from a lead's perspective. Some part of the dancing that you control could be affecting the results. Don't make your dancing about being right or wrong but about understanding each other and improving with each other.
Synergize.
We can all accomplish more when we incorporate the strengths of those around us. Positive teamwork is necessary for accomplishing goals that you could never have accomplished alone. Partner dancing is synergistic in nature, given that it cannot be done alone. However, if we recognize our partner's talents, as well as combine them with our own, far more can be accomplished than even just our individual objectives. Like Covey says in his book: the effort of 1 and 1 do not equal 2, but 3, 4, 5 or more.
Sharpen the Saw.
Always be looking to balance, maintain, and improve yourself, both mentally and physically. Covey recommends exercise as the physical upkeep, and prayer, or good reading as the mental upkeep. Other simple habits will help us to maintain our edge: healthy eating, regular sleep hours, and frequent dance coaching. If your dancing no longer feels like it's progressing, consider shaking things up. Learn new moves, try a new drill or get new music.
This article is anything but thorough in regards to Covey's work, but it's a highly encouraging read for anyone interested in improving themselves and their dancing. His writing is clear and relatable, and he emphasizes simple concepts that yield powerful results. Covey even says himself, that these concepts are common sense, and you'll recognize many of them in your life already. However, we must learn to apply them consistently, effectively, and with constant improvement. The result is a happier, healthier life, and dancing that is both relaxing and fulfilling.