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Middle-Aged Moves

To Lead or Not to Lead--That is the Question

By Rochelle Lockridge

Do I really want to do this? Learn yet more dances? It may be called a waltz, but there are the bronze (feet together), silver (feet passing), and gold levels (don't know that one yet). The American smooth (open positions allowed), and International standard versions (closed positions only), the social dance, and competition variations, how we do things in a group class, and what I'm taught in my private lessons. Depending on the individual leads, follows, teachers, and studio where it's being taught, the permutations seem endless. Learning to follow is hard enough. So why on earth am I considering adding more complexity, and confusion by learning to lead as well? Am I insane? Nah...just slightly deranged.

I've been dancing ballroom in the follow role for a year now. I know I said in last month's column, "Dancing with God," I'd been dancing for one and a half years, but the first few months I don't count for ballroom. My Wednesday evenings were spent at Dancers Studio from 7-8 p.m. attending only the West Coast Swing beginner group class. Why the interest in switching sides? With the usual over-abundance of follows at almost any dance venue I've been to, I wanted to learn the lead so at least one other woman wouldn't need to sit out for yet another dance. And more selfishly, I get to keep dancing all night instead of sitting there waiting for the next time the DJ utters over the music, "OK, switch partners for a..."

Since I have the most experience with West Coast Swing, it seemed obvious to begin my training as a lead with this one. (Even though, full confession, I had to take the six-week beginner series three times over before I was allowed into the intermediate class.) How hard could it be? Hard! It would be an understatement to say that the first dance party I decided to try my hand at leading didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped. I could barely do the basic step. Starting with my left foot going back instead of my right foot going forward was an unexpected brain twister. Even remembering to offer my hands palm up as the lead instead of placing my hands palm down to be held felt foreign. Frustratingly, after completing a step my hard won body memory would kick in, and I was back to the footwork, frame and connection of a follow. A basic whip? You've got to be kidding. You'd think my body was going into a post-traumatic stress response when I needed to cross the track. Even after asking for help from another follow who doubles as a lead, and working on it in a private lesson, I'm still at a loss on how to maneuver a follow through that foundational move.

I'm learning way more than I had anticipated by switching from a follow to a lead. It's become evident why the teachers, and coaches remind the leads that respecting, and caring for their follow is their responsibility. It's not just good manners. A follow's fate for the next ninety seconds or so is literally in our arms. A follow trusts us to guide them through the dance, and we need to honor that trust. And those three little words that have me personally shrinking with shame out on the dance floor, "Let me lead," have taken on even more significance with my journey to the other side. When a follow back-leads, unless she has been expressly asked to help me learn a step, it is confusing. Thery're going off on her own. Now what do I do? Relinquish my designated lead role, and follow them? Or attempt to get us back on track to what I was trying to lead? By letting the lead lead, you show that you trust them to take care of you, and that you appreciate that they are doing their best to continue to earn that trust.

I'm also learning more about the actual lead/signal required to let the follow know something new is about to happen. I need to lower my hand at just the right time to indicate an open break, and raise it with enough (but not too much) notice to indicate an underarm turn, all while keeping a strong, yet responsive fram,e which is much more important than I previously thought. It's not just about looking pretty after all. A strong frame promotes a stronger connection, which allows for more immediacy, and confidence for both parties when leading and following a move. By simply turning my upper body slightly I can provide a clear signal that we are moving from the basic Nightclub Two-Step move to the cross-in-front step. If I'm doing it correctly, there's no need to push on their shoulder blade with the palm of my hand to make them turn. It's not the lead's job to make the follow do anything. We are in conversation with our partners, and working at clearly inviting them to join us in the next move.

Now that I've been on the other side of the fence, I have a whole new respect for the gentlemen in class bravely learning to ballroom dance. We joke about the guys needing extra help because they are slower to "get it," but I can personally vouch for it being a good thing the lead's footwork is typically less complicated. Not on the beat? Geez, give 'em a break. You not only have to remember how to do a step, but you also have to lead the move slightly ahead of the music so that it is actually executed on the beat. Fewer spins and turns for a lead? You bet. How could you be expected to keep a clear head, and not throw your follow off balance if you end up dizzy, and flailing about like me at the beginning of my dance journey. Humbly and gracefully recovering from those botched moves to quickly return to your dance, still in progress, is an art all on its own. I also have a glimpse into why the guys are always asking us to turn and spin. It gives a lead time to think about the next step, and remember what they need to do to lead into it. This is not easy! No more continually joking when an instructor gives us a new sequence of steps to perform, "I'm glad I don't have to remember that...I just need to follow...Nothing for me to worry about... It's all up to you." I'm going to be showing a lot more compassion for their difficult job from now on.

To lead or not to lead: that was my question. My answer? Yes lead. And, yes follow. I highly recommend to every dancer once you feel somewhat comfortable with the basic dance steps in your traditional role to switch over, and experience the other half of the dance partnership, too. You'll be surprised at how much you learn about your own role when you have an opportunity to experience how it feels to be on the receiving end. You'll be amazed to see how much your dancing improves, and the quality of connection with your partners increases. And you male instructors and coaches out there? I have a special invitation for you. I'd venture to guess even you have an opportunity here to take your teaching skills up a notch with a visit to the wild side in a pair of high-heeled, open-toed rhythm shoes dancing the follow role in your next rumba. Let me know if you're up to the challenge, and I'd be more than happy to let you borrow a pair of mine (provided you can fit into a women's size 9.5W), and practice my leading. What a joy it continues to be to follow and now lead, as the situation calls for.

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