Beginning Moves

It’s Okay to Feel Stupid

By Eric Dahlman

Over the summer, I wanted to try West Coast Swing. It would keep me occupied and prevent my dance skills from getting rusty over the season. After a quick search, I was able to find a group and called a friend to join me for the first lesson. My friend had several years of jazz and modern dance ahead of him, and I figured his experience would help him pick up West Coast faster. We could both have a fun time trying the different dance style. My friend seemed enthusiastic at first, but by the end of our beginners class I could tell that he felt lost and was not having a fun time.

When the time for the second class came, my friend did not join me. He told me that West Coast Swing was too different for him and he could not keep up with the class. His theatrical dance training did not apply to the ballroom, so he felt uncomfortable. I understood his perspective so I did not pester him more to join me again.

Several weeks later, I was chatting with one of the West Coast coaches at a social dance. We exchanged the usual “how do you like the group?” and so on. Eventually, my coach asked if my friend from the first lesson would ever join me again. I made the excuse that he might, but he is often busy with work. The instructor seemed a little disappointed. She worried that my friend gave up on West Coast because he was not perfect on his first try. Before I was able to think of what to say next, she continued with a quote that I found rather insightful.

“I often see people who are talented give up too early. They are good at things that they have worked on for years, so when they try something new, they feel stupid. They see everyone else with experience doing that and feel stupid that they’re the new person. They are not the master at something, and they don’t like the feeling. After working hard to improve, people forget that it takes work to get there. I see a lot of people who don’t try new things out of fear of feeling like the stupid one again.”

It's hard to say if that's how my friend actually felt. However, I feel that what my instructor said was true; when I first started ballroom dancing, I felt like an idiot. I remember seeing everyone else on the dance floor looking like professionals. I stood there feeling that I could never catch up. The hard part about entering a new activity is that the feeling of stupidity can take a really long time to go away. There are days where you put in your best effort and still feel like you know nothing. Sadly, you are not always able to control how fast you learn. Some skills just need time to sink in. Even after over a year of dancing, I sometimes still feel like a beginner. The important thing is not to get discouraged. Learn to get excited over the small victories you do make, celebrate that you are doing something, and above all do not compare your start to someone else's finished project. Remind yourself that your experiences are for you. If you are enjoying the time you put into an activity, it is always worth the effort. It is okay to feel stupid at times. We all know the feeling.