Time to Leave the Floor?

By Thomas Stastny

Over the years, and through countless interactions with people, I generally hear two sentiments expressed from everyone involved with the Ballroom Dance Club at the University of MInnesota. "It’s fun, and it’s also a great way to forget about the the stress from work and school." I echoed those sentiments for many years, to both demonstrate to others why I am so involved and dedicated, and to encourage other people to join the club.

Recently, though, something happened to me. I attended summer lessons, I practiced, and I went to social dances like I usually do, but I was hit with the realization that it’s not fun for me anymore. I arrive at club at the end of a long, sometimes stressful day, but dancing doesn’t make me feel better like it once did. Why am I still dancing? More importantly, what changed to make me not enjoy it anymore?

Last May I graduated with my Bachelor’s degree, but I didn’t have much time to celebrate because just three short weeks later I was back in school, working towards my Master’s degree. Hopefully a year from now, I will have my degree and a position as a high school social studies teacher. That’s the goal I’m working towards. But, even with the increased demand and workload, I was determined to continue ballroom. My partner was returning from a semester abroad in Prague, and we had secured individual lessons with our coach before she left. We had a successful performance at collegiate nationals in 2015, and we knew we wanted to keep working hard so that we could do even better the next year.

Soon after my Master’s program began, I started experiencing anxiety about managing my time efficiently and getting through the program. This fall, for example, I have 19.5 credits, student teaching, and commitments to the competition team. In August, on top of that anxiety, I began experiencing symptoms of depression, but I couldn’t figure out why. Logically, I do not think I should be depressed. For the most part things are going well for me, but by the end of the day I am always left feeling sad, run-down, and dejected. That’s the thing with mental illness though; everything can be going perfectly and you still have just as equal a chance of getting hit with it as any other person does.

In order to prevent it from getting worse and developing any other, more serious, problems, I began seeing a therapist at the urging of my friends. My therapist and I are still trying to discern the reason why this all started, but sometimes pinpointing the exact cause can be difficult. I had no previous history of mental illness, and this definitely wasn’t the first time I’ve felt stressed about managing time and getting my work done. This time, though, something is noticeably different. We have discussed a few likely explanations, but I know one that changed. Ballroom is not helping me forget my stress like it used to.

Did ballroom change? My partner and I have private lessons now, and we’re beginning to move up to silver level dance. This certainly can be stressful, however, this was something we had talked about for a while and planned for. I shouldn’t be so suddenly stressed by it. The lessons are exactly the same as they were last summer. Something about me has changed to feel this way and view it negatively. Ballroom is the same as it ever was. I don’t think ballroom is the cause of my illness, but it’s still not giving me the same joy and stress release it once did.

Right now I’m continuing to dance, even with this added stress. I’ll visit my therapist every other week, and I’m confident that it’ll help. Hopefully by the time Ballroom Blast rolls around I’ll be entering with a better attitude. Otherwise, maybe it might be time to step away from it. It’ll allow me to focus on improving my health and student teaching. I can always come back; I know that the club and team will always be here for me.

Editor’s note: Mental illness is a serious topic, and nobody should be ashamed to share their story or discuss their concerns. If you feel as though you may be suffering from a mental illness, please seek the help of a medical professional.