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Beginning Moves

Giving Your Dance Some Fire

By Eric Dahlman

A lot of people try to put some sex appeal into their dance but don’t know what exactly needs to be done to achieve that. Sex appeal is a topic where everyone has a different opinion. Some people feel it comes from closeness in partnership, some people feel it comes from moves, and some people just feel uncomfortable. For a lot of dancers though, finding sex appeal is their next level of styling. Believe it or not, there are methods towards being sexy in dance.

We have all had a lesson (usually mambo) where our instructors tell us to just ‘try being sexy.’ However, I find that a rather unhelpful command. Sex appeal is a result, it is what happens because of actions rather than being an action itself. If you try to ‘be sexy’ without thinking about what ‘sexy’ is, it won’t turn out well. Think of awkward teenage dates for example. Instead, think about what can you do in your dance that makes you feel sexy.

Since sex appeal is something everyone feels differently about, I find it more helpful to think about it as an emotion rather than an action. If someone tells you to dance with happiness, you have your own way to express that. Some people smile, they think of what makes them happy, they change they way they move themselves. Everyone shows their happiness differently, but we still have ideas for what makes a dance happy. Similarly with sex appeal, ask yourself, “what is attractive to me?” For many people, the appeal will come from confidence. Dance with pride and don’t be afraid to put yourself out their. People are attracted to those who look like they know what they’re doing. Even if you have to fake confidence, that might be the most important part of creating sex appeal. You won’t need strange hip trusting.

Others, sex appeal might come from other emotions. Sex is more than just the physical. For some couples, sex appeal can come from a feeling of intimacy. Dance as if you were in an embrace with your partner. Let yourself feel protected by them. Try experimenting with how you and your partner interact as if you were cuddling. Once again, this can easily be faked if you don’t dance with a significant other. However, it helps to communicate with your partner first before you try to act too flirty. After all, trust is a cornerstone of intimacy.

Every dance style has its own version of sex appeal. You might use different tactics to spice up a cha cha than you would a waltz. The important part is you first think of what you can do to add the feeling into the dance. Sex appeal come in different shades. Does this version have desire? Maybe it’s more romantic? Perhaps you want to just dance flirtatiously? The important part is to find what works for you. Like actual sex, you need to feel comfortable. Find what works best for you, and never let someone force you to do a move that doesn’t feel right. Have your own story in mind while ballroom dancing that makes you feel sexy. Once you feel sexy on the inside, you will soon be able to show it through any dance.

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