Follow the Leader, Or Follow the Follow? The Importance of Choice

By Kaylee Anderson

Over my winter break I had the fortune of visiting quite a few studios around the Twin Cities for some West Coast social dances. Most of my friends were with family over the holidays, so it was just me and a couple of others who were out enjoying some rules-free experimentation for the evening. As I sat on the sidelines catching my breath, an older man with a kind smile asked the woman next to me to dance. What I heard him say next nearly made my heart stop: “Would you like to lead or follow?”

The number one way to my dance-fueled heart is definitely by asking that question. The first day I showed up to a beginner lesson at the University of Minnesota's Ballroom Dance Club, across the crowded dance floor and past the pounding music were ladies learning to lead. It's rare to have the perfect number of leads and follows at any event, and that lesson was no exception. People who had been taught only to follow at first were learning how to lead because they knew there were others that wanted to know how to follow. But something I've noticed during my time in the dance community is that more often than not, ladies don't just lead out of necessity—I know, because I'm one of them.

I'm the girl who cheers when we switch roles at practice and the follows get the chance to make the decisions. When I go to a social dance where there are more women than men, I get excited because I know that more often than not, I'll have a chance to lead. Don't get me wrong, I'm very comfortable being a follow: I like the unique challenges it presents to me, the fact that I don't have to choose which direction I'm going in, and that I'm the one who gets to wear the rhinestones. But when it comes to social dances, I want to have a choice as to whether I get to lead or follow. I'm tired of people making the assumption that because I present myself as a woman, I must be a follow, because women are “automatically” followers. I love being able to lead as well as follow, because it gives me the opportunity to choose who I dance with, what role I will fulfill, and how I wish to present myself.

There's an argument to be made when it comes to learning both roles, regardless of gender. While I would not call myself a particularly exceptional lead, my time as a follow has given me invaluable experience. I have a good understanding of what a follow needs to feel from their lead in order to execute moves because I've been on the receiving end of those cues many a time. The hours I've spent trying to figure out how a move should be lead has given me a lot more patience when it comes to dancing with new leads, and has also provided me with the tools to teach others. The relationship is symbiotic, and it makes perfect sense for all dancers to know how to both lead and follow, especially in the world of social dancing. Why like a silly thing like gender affect your ability to dance if there are more women than men or vice versa?

I really admire that man for asking if his partner would like to lead or follow, because it shows a vulnerability that I'm not used to seeing on the dance floor. It says “I don't care what you look like or who you are: I want you to be able to do what you want to do, and I'm willing to step outside social norms to do so.” It's especially important when men don't just assume that they will be leading in any given dance. It's easy to make the woman the follow and the man the lead in a situation where both dancers are clearly gendered, but the active decision to offer a choice is an important step in the right direction.

So guys, don't be afraid to follow every once in awhile. Give yourself the opportunity to learn in a unique way, and in exchange, the follows in your life will appreciate that you've acknowledged their ability to decide for themselves what they would like to do. Ladies like me will thank you.