Follow the Leader

Thinking Outside the Waltz Box

By Kaylee Anderson

“Come on,” I say gleefully, shimmying onto the floor like an utter dork with my best dance bud in tow. She's the perfect size to be my follow, and that's why I love dancing with her every time a hustle or a triple swing comes on. The song is, appropriately, “Lady's Night,” a favorite of the University of Minnesota Ballroom Dance Team, and the enormous smiles on our faces show just how much fun we're having.

Suddenly we hear whooping, along with a chorus of laughs and clapping. I whip my follow out to face the audience in our club president's signature hustle move, and that's when I see what's so funny: two of the male members of the team dancing together. The people on the side of the floor are hooting and hollering like there's a comedy troupe performing in the Rec Center. The guys are enjoying the attention as one tries their best the follow, giggling all the way. This has happened more times than I can count: when two ladies and/or typical follows dance together, there is literally no reaction from any spectators. As soon as two guys start dancing together, however, suddenly the whole thing is a performance.

Just to be clear, I don't bring this up out of jealousy. As much as I love attention, I'd prefer if I weren't being stared at when I'm trying to lead a move I don't know. What gets me is why the audience's initial reaction is to laugh only when men dance together. Most people who identify as female are follows first, and we often learn to lead out of necessity—whether it's because we need to teach new follows their part, or because we're bored of sitting on the sidelines waiting for an available lead. We see female follows dancing together all of the time, and so we think nothing of it. But leads dancing together?

I've even laughed sometimes, watching my male friends dance together and be purposefully goofy. My initial reaction is, “This is silly—they never do this!” So my question is, why do men not dance together? My instinct is to say that they find it emasculating. Being a follow is seen as too “feminine,” too far outside of their comfort zone. It makes the typical lead feel too “squidgy,” for lack of a better word. In the face of vulnerability and pride, the easier choice is to stay in the box that dance culture has made for them: the large, in-charge, confident guy.

Last night I was able to attend my younger sister's final jazz concert at my old high school, where food, fun, and dancing was prevalent. While enjoying the range of performers, from the smallest 9th grade trumpet player to the senior rocking out on the cowbell, I watched as a crowd of joyful high-schoolers and older parents danced in the gap between the tables. To my amazement, out of the 12 couples on the floor, only two appeared to mixed gender. All of the others were same-sex, and the only giggling going on was tied to how much fun they were having. Not one kid thought it was weird or stupid or emasculating, despite their age and average maturity level. It was amazing to me, and it made me smile. These high schoolers can get it, so why not us college students?

I believe there's a way that someday, people won't find it knee-slappingly hilarious when two leads try to do a waltz together. It happened for the follows, so why not them? The key is to take that leap: push yourself out of your comfort zone and ask a lead to dance. The learning benefits alone are monumental. When a lead follows, they have realization upon realization. They figure out what follows need to feel from them in order to lead more clearly, as well as what leads do that can hurt or make their follow feel uncomfortable. Besides learning, it also lends itself to more dance partners. If everyone who social danced knew how to both lead and follow, they could dance with literally anyone and have a good time. That way there wouldn't be a crowd of same-gendered people standing on the sidelines as others have a good time out on the floor. No one would be laughing, and no one would be left out.

So the next time you see two guys dancing together at a social event, ask yourself what's so funny. Are they trying to get you to laugh, or is one of them hopelessly lost at leading a spin turn and is asking the other one for help? Either way, I for one would love to see more men dancing together. For me, it would mean that dance culture is leaning more towards equality than stagnancy, and that leads are learning the right way to lead: by putting themselves in their follow's high-heeled shoes.